This hit close to home. I come from a single parent household, my mom raised me. My aunts were also present, so I got to see up close how society treated single mothers and single professional women while growing up. Lots of arbitrary bullshit, lots of men thinking they were smarter than them by virtue of being men. I told myself that when I grew up I would relay my experiences to other men so that they could understand these perspectives from a fellow man and be less shitty to women.
I was young, bright-eyed, bushy tailed, and naive. Yes, allyship helps, but as you point out, what good does it do when most men willfully refuse to catch up or even care. Most men I’ve talked to about these kinds of problems engage in all kinds of mental gymnastics to avoid any personal accountability in how they treat women, as well as deflecting any valid points in order to keep feeling comfortable/good about themselves. Most act like highlighting these issues in order to find solutions are a problem in themselves.
Today I try to find like minded folks, push people when they present bullshit ideas and challenge them, as well as behave like an actual human being towards the women I work with because it’s not difficult—especially when you respect women and have been raised to see the inherent value and worth of human beings regardless of gender. Today I accept that all I can do is try and help pave the way for my future daughters to deal with less arbitrary sexism in their lifetimes, but I will still have to prepare them with the tools and knowledge to operate in a world I know will likely be unfair to them—and filled with all kinds of double standards and unreasonable/unrealistic expectations and demands. I wish there was some VR game you could just stick men into so that they would better understand, but unless menfolk live an experience that opens up their perspective/compassion in such a vein, it’s unlikely they’ll ever care or go out of their way to learn. I guess all we can do is try and make incremental change one office space at a time, one conversation at a time—like you did here. Amazing work, I look forward to reading more.
Dang, exhausting indeed.
This hit close to home. I come from a single parent household, my mom raised me. My aunts were also present, so I got to see up close how society treated single mothers and single professional women while growing up. Lots of arbitrary bullshit, lots of men thinking they were smarter than them by virtue of being men. I told myself that when I grew up I would relay my experiences to other men so that they could understand these perspectives from a fellow man and be less shitty to women.
I was young, bright-eyed, bushy tailed, and naive. Yes, allyship helps, but as you point out, what good does it do when most men willfully refuse to catch up or even care. Most men I’ve talked to about these kinds of problems engage in all kinds of mental gymnastics to avoid any personal accountability in how they treat women, as well as deflecting any valid points in order to keep feeling comfortable/good about themselves. Most act like highlighting these issues in order to find solutions are a problem in themselves.
Today I try to find like minded folks, push people when they present bullshit ideas and challenge them, as well as behave like an actual human being towards the women I work with because it’s not difficult—especially when you respect women and have been raised to see the inherent value and worth of human beings regardless of gender. Today I accept that all I can do is try and help pave the way for my future daughters to deal with less arbitrary sexism in their lifetimes, but I will still have to prepare them with the tools and knowledge to operate in a world I know will likely be unfair to them—and filled with all kinds of double standards and unreasonable/unrealistic expectations and demands. I wish there was some VR game you could just stick men into so that they would better understand, but unless menfolk live an experience that opens up their perspective/compassion in such a vein, it’s unlikely they’ll ever care or go out of their way to learn. I guess all we can do is try and make incremental change one office space at a time, one conversation at a time—like you did here. Amazing work, I look forward to reading more.